Is anger ever a wise or useful choice?

Powerful quotes to reflect on:

“He who  is slow  to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” Bible: Proverbs 16:32

“The size of a man can be measured by the size of the things that make him angry.” Author unknown (A small man gets angry over almost any small thing. It is almost impossible to anger a spiritually strong, prayerful man.)

 “Be pretty if you are, be witty if you can be, but above all be kind and gentle, even if it kills you.” Unknown (but don’t worry, it won’t kill you, even though it’s sometimes hard to be kind when the devil tempts you to choose anger).

“Making decisions in a rage is as reckless and foolish as a captain putting to sea in a raging storm.” Elray L. Christiansen.

“If a man does not control his temper, it is sad to admit that he has no control over his thoughts.” Ezra Taft Benson

“Whenever the devil and his team tempt you to choose anger, you are free to choose anger that will damage your relationships or prayer that will bless and strengthen them.” Charles E. Hunt

“Anger, resentment, and jealousy don’t change other people’s hearts—they only change your own.” Shannon L. Aliso

One of the quickest ways to seriously damage any family relationship or any other relationship of trust is to choose to verbally or physically attack a family member or anyone else in anger. This can cause the victim of anger to feel some of the following painful and damaging feelings.

1. He cares more about the mess I just made by accidentally knocking over my glass of juice than he does about me.

2. My doubles partner in ping pong, pickleball, etc. (who could even be my spouse) cares more about winning the point or the game than me.

3. Can I really trust this person in the future who has shown with his anger directed at me that the “thing” I accidentally ruined is more important to him than I am?

4. Even attacking a stranger in anger damages the trust of anyone who witnesses your out-of-control anger, who may fear that they are your next target.

Powerful quotes from Charles E. Hunt: “A good person will focus on the good in others and bring it out. A bad person will focus on the bad in others and bring it out.”

“Anger destroys joy, inner peace, trust, and relationships.”

“For the victim, angry outbursts feel the exact opposite of love and destroy any feelings of love and trust that might exist in the relationship.”

Part of the good news of the joy- and love-producing teachings of Jesus Christ is that with focused personal effort, prayer, and God’s help, everyone is free to change their painful bad habits—such as anger, selfishness, unforgiveness, negative thinking, etc.—into much more joy-producing habits that build loving, trusting relationships. Even if you don’t enjoy any relationship much now and hurt yourself and others with your painful anger issues, you are free to choose to change that today! With God’s help and our best prayerful efforts, every positive change for a better, more joyful life and relationships can happen quickly. When any wise child of God very carefully analyzes the pros and cons of choosing anger—instead of choosing prayer, inner peace, and joy—they will become convinced that anger is never a good choice. I am convinced that with God’s help and our own focused effort, Any child of God can learn to control their anger and replace it with much more useful and wise decisions that generate real trust and love in our relationships.

True story to reflect on:

In my all-time favorite talk on the subject of completely eliminating anger from our lives, written by Lynn G. Robbins, called “Agency and Anger” (Conference Report, April 1998), he talks about why and how we are free to choose anger or not. He told a true story about William Wilbanks in Reader’s Digest, December 1988. I quote part of it below:

“As a sophomore, Wilbanks tried out for the high school basketball team and aced it. On the first day of practice, his coach had him play one-on-one while the team watched. When he missed an easy shot, he sulked, stomped his feet, and complained. The coach approached him and said, “If you do anything like that again, you’ll never play for my team.” For the next three years, he never lost control again. Years later, reflecting on this incident, he realized that that day the coach had taught him a principle that changed his life: anger can be controlled.” Wilbanks taught: “Aggression, suppressing anger, talking about it, yelling, and screaming are all learned strategies for dealing with anger. We choose the one that has worked for us in the past. Have you ever noticed how rarely we lose control when we’re frustrated by our boss, but how often we do when we’re annoyed by our friends and family?”

Below are some other great quotes from Lynn Robbins’ talk:

“The family is also Satan’s primary target. He is waging war against the family. … He damages and destroys families within the walls of their own homes. His strategy is to provoke anger among family members. … A cunning part of Satan’s strategy is to dissociate anger from agency, making us believe we are victims of an emotion we cannot control. We hear, “I lost my temper.” … Losing something implies unwillingness, accidental, involuntary, irresponsible behavior. . . . “He made me angry.” This is another phrase we hear, which also implies a lack of control or agency. This is a myth that needs to be debunked. No one makes us angry. Others don’t make us angry. There is no force involved. Getting angry is a conscious choice, a decision; therefore, we can make the choice not to get angry. We choose!”

Anger is yielding to Satan’s influence by surrendering our self-control. … Anger is a rude attempt to make another feel guilty or a cruel attempt to correct them.”

We can choose not to get angry. And we can make that choice today and now. “I will never get angry again.”

Lynn Robbins quoted the Bible and David O. McKay as follows:

“Husbands,  love  your wives, and do not be harsh with them” and “

Fathers , do not  provoke  your children to anger, or they will become discouraged.” Bible: Colossians 3:19, 21).

“Never let a husband and wife speak loudly unless the house is on fire.” David O. McKay. (Steps to an Abundant Life, comp. Llewelyn R. McKay 1971, 294)

To listen to or read Lynn Robbins’ full talk, click the link below:https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1998/04/agency-and-anger?lang=eng

Important questions to reflect on:

Is anger really a “choice,” or do we have no control or power over that emotion or reaction? If anger is a “choice,” is it ever a right choice? How much self-control and wisdom do you have to control yourself? And do you desire to have it in the future, with God’s help?

In short, considering that relationships are the most important thing for a happy life and for eternity, does anger ever help improve our relationships—or is it always worse? Certainly, choosing anger can work to intimidate family members or others into doing things our way this time while we’re present “out of fear and unfair manipulation,” but what effect does anger have on each of our relationships?

With an eternal perspective and God’s help, can we choose never to get angry again, as Lynn Robbins taught? Would that be a good choice? What relationships are most important for a happy life and for eternity? Aren’t family relationships, including our relationship with our Heavenly Father, the most important of all? If we can choose not to get angry at our boss because we don’t want to lose our job, then surely we can choose not to get angry at home because we don’t want to damage or lose our marriage or family relationships, right?

How does anger affect our relationship with God and with ourselves? Think of one or more people, you know, who tend to choose anger. How does it affect their relationships and the level of trust in those relationships? Do they have a job where they have a boss or manager in charge? Do they ever explode in anger at their boss? Obviously not, or they still wouldn’t have a job, right? And if they exploded in anger every time their boss does or says something to upset them, they wouldn’t soon be able to hold down a job, right? Then they would lose their house, their car, etc. because they wouldn’t have an income to make the payments, right? So, considering that they control their anger in their relationship with their boss, that’s clear proof that they have the ability to control their anger—if it’s really important enough to them, isn’t it? Which is the worse loss: losing their job or losing their family and destroying those important relationships? – – – By choosing to explode in anger at members of their own family?

If you kept an eternal perspective in your thinking all the time and “prayed always,” with God’s help, you could choose never to get angry again, couldn’t you?

After all, God promised us in the Bible that He “has not overtaken you except what is common to mankind. But God is faithful, who will not allow you to be  tempted  beyond what you are able  ,  but with the temptation will also make the way of  escape , that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13. In other words, if you pray and seek God’s help in everything you do, you will never be tempted beyond what you can bear or handle.

And if every member of your family decided to give their best daily prayerful effort to live by Christ-centered principles and show love and kindness to one another daily, then before long it would become easier and easier to never choose anger or meanness again, wouldn’t it? However, that wouldn’t be much of a test if everyone was super nice and kind to us every day on earth, and because God gives good and moody/bad people the freedom to make their own choices during our earthly school and testing period, we will all be tested. But wouldn’t it be wonderful and almost heavenly if every member of your family in your holy home decided to give their best daily prayerful effort to live a Christ-centered life and treat one another with kindness, respect, and love in all their interactions?

How do you feel deep down in your inner spiritual core when someone decides to explode in anger at you? Has your spouse, child, sibling, friend, or acquaintance ever done something to make you angry? Have you ever reacted with vocal, even strong, anger toward them? Aren’t your relationships with your spouse, child, sibling, friends, and others important enough to you to help you choose wisely and prayerfully never to lash out in anger at another child of God again? That doesn’t mean we don’t believe in “self-defense” and in wisely not enabling abuse, but even self-defense doesn’t need to be done with anger—but simply with focused determination to do what is necessary to stop the abuse, as the situation calls for it. We don’t want an angry, out-of-control person to drag us down to their level of immaturity, do we?

If you live with an abusive spouse, whose anger is fueled even worse by an addiction to alcohol or drugs—who won’t stop using—then it may be wise to separate and never deal with them again. But that doesn’t mean choosing anger is a wise decision. How do you feel when a family member or anyone else lashes out at you in anger and uses unkind words? Do you want your family members or others to feel that way, by attacking them in anger or with unkind words?

Is your relationship and love for your spouse, child, sibling, and others more important than anything they broke or did that tempted you to choose anger?

Have you ever made an innocent or even not-so-innocent mistake? Everyone deserves a second chance. Didn’t Jesus teach us in the Bible to forgive 70 times 7 = 490 times? I’ve heard that in the language of the people of those Bible days, 70 X 7 was a way of saying something like a high, unlimited number of times. Either way, shouldn’t we at least forgive one another 70 X 7 times, as Jesus wisely taught us to do – – – – especially considering the true quote: “Choosing not to forgive another is like taking a little bit of poison every day and hoping it will hurt or kill the other person.” However, wisely choosing to forgive another does not mean we should foolishly trust an abusive person. And it is wise to set strong, firm boundaries to protect yourself from abusive people, even if they are family members.

When a family member makes an accidental mistake, isn’t that a wonderful opportunity to choose wisely to show unconditional love, patience, and kindness, to show them you truly love them? Wouldn’t it be a wonderful feeling in your home and in your lives if all of you as a family chose to live by Christ-centered principles, as taught by Jesus Christ, and surely in less than 30 days, each of you will do so? Do you feel much more genuine love and joy in your home and in your family relationships, in every interaction, every day?

You might be thinking; so I think maybe our family could go 30 days without lashing out in anger and unkind words at one another – – – if we keep ourselves very busy individually, and practically avoid each other for 30 days, and hardly interact with each other at all. Sorry, but when you read the article on the website about the 30-day experiment, you’ll see that a very important part of the experiment is sharing healthy family activities for at least a few minutes each day, such as playing super fun games like pickleball or ping-pong together, enjoying nature walks together, singing uplifting songs together using the sing-along app, sharing and discussing powerful quotes and scriptures with each other, sincerely and openly praying together as a family, etc. . – – – even if you are very, very busy.

Considering that all true joy in this life and beyond is found in relationships—and that no relationship is more important to a happy life than our family relationships—doesn’t it make sense for us to devote some daily time and effort to our family relationships? I promise you that before the 30 days are up, you will know that choosing to live a Christ-centered life is worth it. I can promise this with 100% certainty, because our loving Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, have promised this in the Bible. I also conducted the 30-day-plus experiment in my own life, only to discover with 100% certainty that the joyful teachings of Jesus Christ work surprisingly much better than anything else to bring greater love, joy, and inner peace into our lives and improve the quality of our relationships.

Many families are too busy with “things” far less important than building and enjoying family relationships, and often don’t even interact with each other much, especially when children reach their teens. Playing at least an hour of pickleball, table tennis, or “Connect 4” type games as a family, as often as you can, will give you the opportunity every two minutes to practice choosing kindness, respect, gentleness, encouragement, kind words, patience, etc. toward your family members, your doubles partner, your opponent, and yourself—so that in a short time you’ll get really good at it, and thus you’ll all be showing each other that you truly love and care about each other—more than you care about winning a point or a game; and you’ll all be much happier and more successful in every area of ​​your lives.

Powerful Quote: “A family that plays together, stays together.” More accurate powerful quote: “A family that plays well, kindly, gentle, and respectfully together, stays together.” A family that chooses to be disrespectful, angry, and abusive to one another when they try to play together or do almost anything together, may not stay together, or at least not happily ever after. On our retirement card, under our name, we have printed “Happily Together Forever.” My Amparito and I not only desire to be together forever, but we want to make kind, loving, prayerful, and selfless daily efforts to be “happily together forever.” Our loving Heavenly Father gave us all the perfect beautiful recipe and clear guidance for living “happily together forever” if we will simply choose to follow His guidance as recorded by His prophets in the Bible and the Book of Mormon, which teaches us how Jesus Christ lived and taught us to live—loving and serving God and our neighbors.

It works very well to brainstorm and role-play as family members ahead of time, how you will react with your family members and others, when the point doesn’t go your way – – – like when you or your doubles partner misses a shot in pickleball or tennis, etc. and in other scenarios in your normal family life where you may sometimes be tempted by the devil and his team to choose anger, unkind words, impatience, lack of love, etc. What are some of the things you will choose to do to ensure that you never choose anger, cruelty, or bad temper, etc., during your very important 30? Daytime experiment and beyond?

Power Quotes:

“Parents can tell, but they can never teach, unless they practice what they preach.” Unknown

Jesus Christ taught us: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your  neighbor  and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you,  love  your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and  pray  for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.” Bible: Matthew 5:43-44. – – – In other words, be kind and gentle to everyone.

Powerful Quote: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” – -spoken by Jesus Christ, – – – as some of His last words as He hung on the cross, after being mocked, spit upon, severely flogged, beaten, and nailed to a cross with large steel spikes. If all of that couldn’t even anger and upset Jesus, then nothing could, as He lived His perfect life as an example for us to try to follow Him a little better each day.

The Bible teaches us that Jesus lived a perfect life. Some say he was angry when he drove the money changers out of the temple, so it’s okay to be out of control with anger when someone does something that angers you. I see no evidence in the Bible that Jesus was out of control with anger when he decided to drive the money changers out of the temple. I think he was very much in control, since he firmly drove them out, because he didn’t like the money changers, turning the holy temple into “a den of robbers,” as he called it in the Bible scripture below, when the money changers were trying to make large profits there.

Matthew 21:12-14: “Then Jesus entered the temple of God and drove out all who were selling and buying in the temple, and overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who sold doves. And he said to them, “It is written, ‘My  house shall be called a house of prayer,’ but you have made it  a den  of robbers.” Then the blind and the lame came to him in the temple, and he healed them.”

Notice, in the last verse above, how Jesus healed the blind and lame in the temple, after driving out the unclean money changers who were seeking dishonest gain and desecrating the holy temple. No one heals angry people, do they? Healing people’s emotional, spiritual, or physical problems is best and most appropriately done in a more sacred, quiet, and peaceful place, such as a holy temple, church, or sacred home where God’s love and peace are felt after the unclean money changers and troublemakers are either driven out or firmly escorted away.

Didn’t Jesus teach us to “come and follow him” and to love and serve others, as he did? Didn’t Jesus even teach us to “pray for our enemies, and ‘to him who strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also'”?

I believe one of the most helpful and effective powerful quotes to help us never wisely choose anger when we may be tempted to do so is to mentally repeat to yourself, or quietly, the following powerful quote: “It’s only a test, it’s only a test” – – – while gently reminding yourself that every temptation or challenge is “only a test” as part of your life, our probationary period and earthly school. Another powerful and helpful quote is: “Whenever you are tempted to choose anger, you are free to choose anger or prayer: one damages relationships, the other strengthens them.” Charles E. Hunt

True story: One day I was listening to one of my insurance clients as she told me about her relationship with her husband, and how he had a couple of times held a charged man to his head and threatened to kill her if she ever left him. I encouraged her to find a way to get out of that relationship as soon as possible, while she was still alive, and to stay as far away from him as possible. I don’t know if she ever chose to escape that abusive relationship. Isn’t it so horrible and sad when some abusive people try to control another person by using scare tactics and threats like that? esas?