Is trust the most important foundation of all good relationships?
True Quote to Ponder : “Being trustworthy is more important than being loved” by a modern prophet of God, David O. McKay If someone puts more effort and focus into trying to “be loved” by others, than simply doing what is right, good, honest, and kind before God and their fellow human beings; then they will likely resort to dishonesty at times to try to feel accepted and loved, and to proudly appear better than they are. It is not our job or responsibility to “be loved” anyway, and if we pressure others to love us, we will push them away, not draw them to us. It is our responsibility to follow the teachings and example of Jesus Christ and be a loving, kind, and joyful friend to others, and one of the natural results of that will be that we will be blessed with many truly loving and trusting relationships.
One of the reasons the devil and his team try so hard to tempt us to be dishonest, and why God places so much emphasis in the Bible on us wisely choosing to be honest and trustworthy, is because no family or other relationship can have a higher level of love than the level of trust. So, if someone chooses to develop a habit of dishonesty, then how will they ever enjoy truly trusting relationships? Unless they choose to repent (i.e., truly change in right, good, and permanent ways) and seek to experience the true joy, principles, values, and power to do what is good and right that comes into our lives when we prayerfully seek to connect with God and His Son, Jesus Christ.
Questions to Ponder: Do I really need to be honest, trustworthy, and kind in all my dealings? Do I want to enjoy a life of lasting, truly loving, and trusting relationships—with God, myself, my family, and others? Building truly trusting relationships isn’t just about being honest in all your dealings, but also about being as kind, respectful, and caring as possible in all your interactions and relationships with others. A person may be very honest and open about telling you all the things they don’t like about you and your actions, but that kind of honesty is simply hurtful and mean-spirited, and it obviously doesn’t build a relationship of trust and love.
Can I build a truly loving and trusting relationship by pretending and pretending to be honest, kind, and trustworthy? Isn’t it difficult in these modern times to be honest, fair, and kind in all our dealings? It’s actually not as difficult as it may sound, because we feel so much better inside when God helps us and blesses us with greater love, joy, and inner peace, and because it works so well to help us build truly loving and trusting relationships.
Many people fall prey to the temptations of the devil and his team to do dishonest things in order to get good grades in school or to get ahead financially—not realizing that no matter how much dishonest money they obtain in this way, it will not bring them any real joy or good, trusting relationships. Considering that trust is the foundation of every quality relationship with God, with oneself, with family members, and with others; do you see why it is so important that from an early age we resolve to do our best to be completely honest in all our dealings with all people? Regardless of your age; do you recognize the importance of choosing to be completely honest in all your dealings with everyone from this day forward?———– Do you want to start enjoying more joyful and trusting relationships?
Isn’t it true that everyone wants to be trusted? – – – Even selfish and dishonest criminals, who want to steal from us, want us to trust them, so they can steal from us more easily, right? But not everyone is willing or wise enough to pay the price and effort of being truly honest, kind, and fair in all their dealings in order to truly earn the trust of others. Obviously, no amount of money can buy trust, right? The price of trust is paid and earned by a wise person, who commits and follows through on building habit patterns of being honest and kind in all their dealings and relationships. It doesn’t work for a person to choose which areas and relationships they will be honest in and which they will be dishonest in.
Even a dishonest person can deceptively get some people to trust them for a short time, but then, before long, they will be caught in their lies, and any “fake” relationship they thought they had will end in pain and suffering. How long can a dishonest person get away with “faking it” before they are caught in their dishonesty and their lack of being worthy of others’ trust? God will never be able to trust them, or even themselves, if they are not truly honest and trustworthy, and before long, no one close to them will trust them if they are dishonest and untrustworthy. If you spend a good amount of time with someone and you begin to notice that they are dishonest or mean to others, then, of course, you will soon realize that neither you nor anyone else can fully trust them, right?
Do you want short-term relationships that end in pain and suffering, or are you willing to be honest and kind in all your dealings so you can enjoy loving, trusting relationships? In business, a dishonest person can manipulate people to extract those little green slips (money) from innocent people through deception and lies, but that won’t bring inner peace or true joy. Eventually, they’ll be caught in their dishonesty, and their lives and relationships will fall apart. Even their business is likely to crumble, as customers sense or discover clear evidence that they’re not honest or trustworthy.
The devil and his team will try to convince you that it’s okay to lie a little or a lot, here and there – as long as you are careful and don’t get caught in their lies. Never forget that the devil and his team live by lies, deception, and manipulation, and they do not have joyful, trusting, or loving relationships. God and His team members wisely choose to live by honest, trustworthy, and loving principles because it is the right thing to do, and because of that, they can and surely will enjoy much more trusting, joyful, loving, and uplifting relationships. Which team do you choose to be on? God’s honest and caring team or the devil’s dishonest and unjust team? One lie and one dishonest action leads to another. The wiser choice is simply to choose to be honest in all your dealings.
I think almost everyone would like to get married someday when they find the right compatible partner. Do you want to marry someone who is honest and kind and faithful to you and the marriage covenant, or dishonest and mean? And if you want to marry an honest person, then you must also choose to be an honest person, so you will be a good and deserving match for each other, right? Do you realize that if the person you’re dating is dishonest and mean to others at times, that they will also be dishonest and mean to you at some point in the future?
I am convinced that every one of our loving Heavenly Father’s commandments is beautifully designed to help us build more loving and trusting relationships with Him, with ourselves, with our family members, and with one another. For example, His clear and firm commandment in the Bible, the Book of Mormon, and modern-day prophets and apostles that we not have sex outside of marriage is incredibly helpful in generating much more trust, unity, and love in the marriage relationship. Studies have shown that marriages are much more likely to last and be happy when both partners have reserved all physical intimacy to be shared solely between husband and wife, in a committed marriage relationship. Isn’t it obvious and true that if someone follows that clear commandment from God before marriage not to have sex outside of marriage, that they will be much more likely to follow that commandment to be truthful and faithful to their spouse after marriage? What greater gift can a person give their future spouse than to reserve all physical intimacy to be shared only between a husband and wife committed within the God-ordained covenant of marriage? If you have erred in the past on this wise commandment of God, He lovingly offers you the opportunity to become a recycled virgin today—if you repent (which means truly change wisely with God’s help) and commit to never again having physical intimacy outside the bonds of marriage.
God places a very high value on family life, even with a committed, loving, and trustworthy father and mother working together to raise a righteous and joyful family centered on the beautiful teachings of Jesus Christ. Below is some crystal-clear advice on this crucial topic from God’s modern-day prophets and apostles:
THE FAMILY
The First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD
We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is fundamental to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.
All human beings, male and female, are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Being male or female is an essential characteristic of a person’s premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.
In the premortal world, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father, and they accepted His plan by which His children could obtain physical bodies and gain mortal experience in order to progress toward perfection and ultimately achieve their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. The sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to God’s presence and for families to be united eternally.
The first commandment God gave to Adam and Eve related to their potential as husband and wife to be parents. We declare that God’s commandment to His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in effect. We also declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be used only between a man and a woman lawfully wedded as husband and wife.
We declare that the means by which mortal life is created are divinely ordained. We affirm the sanctity of life and its importance in God’s eternal plan.
Husbands and wives have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage from the Lord” ( Psalm 127:3 ). Parents have a sacred duty to raise their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe God’s commandments, and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives, mothers and fathers, will be held accountable before God for the fulfillment of these obligations.
The family is ordained by God. Marriage between a man and a woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children deserve to be born within the bonds of marriage and raised by a father and mother who honor their marriage vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when it is based on the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on the principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, the father is to preside over the family in love and righteousness and is responsible for providing the necessities of life for his family and for its protection. The mother is primarily responsible for the care of her children. In these sacred responsibilities, the father and mother, as equal partners, are obligated to assist one another. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adjustment. Other relatives should provide support when needed.
We warn that people who violate covenants of chastity, who mistreat or abuse their spouse or children, or who fail to fulfill their family responsibilities will one day be held accountable before God. Furthermore, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.
We call upon responsible citizens and government officials everywhere to promote measures designed to strengthen the family and maintain it as the fundamental unit of society.
President Gordon B. Hinckley read this proclamation as part of his message at the Relief Society General Meeting, held on September 23, 1995, in Salt Lake City, Utah, USA.
Questions for young people or any single person to ponder: When you get married someday, how much trust, respect, and love do you want to enjoy in your future marriage relationship? How will you choose to live now to prepare yourself to be blessed with such trust and love in your future marriage? How kind and selfless will you be in your family relationships with your parents and siblings now and with others? – – as you work on developing habits of treating your family members with whom you live now with kindness, respect, self-control, and love; so that it becomes a natural habit to treat your future wife or husband the same way after you are married? How important will it be for you to wisely date and marry someone who has also wisely developed habits of treating everyone with kindness, respect, and love? (Please understand: that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t respectfully but firmly establish protective boundaries with certain abusive people, who happen to be family members, and refuse to make the changes necessary to get out of all the mental disturbances and addictive relationships—destructive substances, abusive habits, etc.)
Can the level of love, intimacy, and openness in a marriage ever be higher than the level of trust? – – – obviously not, right? Aren’t all of God’s commandments designed by Him to make our relationships more trusting, joyful, and loving?
When is the wisest time to decide to be completely honest and kind in all your dealings? – – – that’s a crucial principle to help our children learn at the earliest possible age, isn’t it? – – – before they develop bad habits in that area. If a parent decides to get angry with their child when they catch them doing something wrong, rather than wisely and lovingly advising them on wiser and more joyful choices, then the child may learn to be dishonest, out of fear, may not? If you don’t want your children to fear you and therefore choose to be dishonest and hide the truth from you—to try to protect themselves from your angry wrath—then it would be wise never to choose anger, would it not? Firm consequences, imposed with love and fairness, when a child has decided to go against a family rule that family members established together, are fine and good, but anger is never a wise or helpful choice.
The quickest way to lose all trust in your relationships is to get hooked on mind-altering drugs, including alcohol. No wonder God gave us the Prophet Joseph Smith’s Word of Revelation of Wisdom, in Section 89 of the Doctrine and Covenants, as wise guidance to stay away from such things. The devil and his team will give you the first dose of super-expensive fentanyl or cocaine, etc., “for free,” because they know you’ll become their slave if they get you hooked on these powerful, addictive drugs. They know you’ll become totally dishonest and will do any horrible thing to get the money to keep buying those expensive drugs from them for the rest of your life. It will shorten your life and destroy your life and relationships, including your relationship with yourself. Only with God’s help and much personal effort can people break free from these powerful, mind-altering drugs. Around 200 Americans die from fentanyl overdoses every day, and the drug cartels don’t care, except that it leaves them with 200 fewer customers each day. So they work to entice hundreds more gullible people every day to try it and get hooked. Once a person is addicted to mind-altering drugs, they will lose the ability to hold any job, leaving them unable to support themselves or their family.
Questions to reflect on:
If someone were to write all the pros on one side and the cons on the other side of a piece of paper for any addictive or mind-altering drug, why would anyone be foolish enough to try their first mind-altering drug? – – – Does that lead them to the next, and the next, which puts them under the power of the devil and his minions? The devil and his minions hate it when a child of God chooses to use common sense, reason, and reflect on the decisions in their life. They want to pressure you into making decisions on the spot, and without any careful research or data, because most people with even a lick of intelligence, and without peer pressure, would not make horrible decisions if they had checked the true data and facts.
One thing I love about God is that He is always absolutely honest and trustworthy. He never makes a promise He doesn’t keep. I know that’s true!
Isn’t it wonderful to develop close friendships with children of God who have also chosen to live by relationship-centered, Christ-centered principles such as:
1. Be completely honest with everyone in all your dealings – – – so that people can truly trust you.
2. Be kind and respectful to everyone, not just the “popular” kids, so you know you can trust them to always be kind and respectful to you and be a true friend.
3. Serve others with a joyful, generous, and selfless heart, so that you may know that their love for you and all of God’s children is genuine and real.
What percentage of people with alcohol or drug addictions—when they go through their next big stress and “trial” in life, as everyone does—will fall back into their horrible drug and alcohol problem? Wouldn’t it be safer to choose to marry someone who has never had a problem with drugs or alcohol? And isn’t the wisest choice to commit to never trying addictive or mind-altering substances (or never again if you have already tried) if you want to enjoy truly loving and trusting relationships? When people are addicted to mind-altering substances, then others cannot trust them, and sadly, they cannot even trust themselves to make good and wise decisions every day! However, if someone chooses at any age to be truly prayerful and committed to living according to the teachings of Jesus Christ for the rest of their lives, they can overcome and get rid of all their bad habits with their best efforts of prayer and God’s help, and replace them with good habits. You can ask our Heavenly Father in sincere and humble prayer to help you see clearly how much more joyful and productive your lives and relationships can be without all the mind-altering, addictive substances, and ask God to help you eliminate all your addictions and desires for that junk that does not belong in your wonderful, God-given body as a son or daughter of God.