Is Anger ever a wise or helpful choice?
Power Quotes to ponder on:
“He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.” Bible: Proverbs 16:32
“The size of a man may be measured by the size of the things that make him angry.” (A little man is angered by almost any tiny little thing. A prayerful spiritually strong man is almost impossible to bring to anger).
“Be pretty if you are, be witty if you can be, but most of all be nice and kind – – even if it kills you.” Unknown (but don’t worry, it won’t kill you, even when it is hard to be kind sometimes).
“To make decisions while infuriated is as unwise and foolish as it is for a captain to put out to sea in a raging storm.” Elray L. Christiansen.
“If a man does not control his temper, it is a sad admission that he is not in control of his thoughts.” Ezra Taft Benson
“Whenever the devil and his team tempt you to choose anger; you are free to choose anger that will damage your relationships or prayer that will bless and strengthen your relationships.” Charles Hunt
“Anger, resentment and jealousy doesn’t change the heart of others – – it only changes yours.” Shannon L. Alder
One of the quickest ways to severely damage any family relationship or any other trusting relationship is to choose to verbally or physically attack a family member or anyone else in anger. – – – which causes the victim of the anger to feel some of the following painful and damaging feelings.
1. He cares more about that mess I just made by accidentally tipping over my glass of juice than he cares about me.
2. My doubles partner in pickleball, etc., (who might even be your spouse), cares more about winning the point or game, than he cares about me.
3. Can I really trust this person in the future who showed by their anger directed toward me, that the “thing” I accidentally messed up is more important than I am to him.
4. Even attacking a random stranger in anger, damages the trust in you of whoever witnesses your out of control anger, who may fear that he will be your next target.
Power quotes by Charles Hunt: “A good person will focus on, and bring out the good in others. A bad person will focus on, and bring out the bad in others.”
“Anger destroys joy, inner-peace, trust and relationships.”
“To the victim, outbursts of anger feel like the exact opposite of love, and destroy the feelings of love and trust that could be in the relationship.”
Part of the good news of the joy and love-producing teachings of Jesus Christ; is that with focused personal effort, prayer, and God’s help; everyone is free to change their painful bad habits, such as anger, selfishness, lack of forgiveness, negative thinking, etc. for much more joy-producing habits that build loving and trusting relationships. Even if you don’t enjoy any relationships much now and you hurt yourself and others with your painful anger problems, you are free to choose to change that today! With God’s help and our own best prayerful effort, every positive change for the better and more joyful life and relationships can quickly come to pass. When any wise child of God very carefully analyzes the pros and cons of choosing anger, – – – instead of choosing prayer, inner-peace, and joy; they will become convinced that anger is never a wise choice. I am convinced that with God’s help, and our own focused effort; any child of God can learn to control their anger, and replace it with much more helpful and wise choices that build real trust and love in our relationships.
True story to ponder on:
In my favorite great masterpiece talk of all-time on the subject of eliminating anger completely out of our lives, by Lynn G. Robbins called “Agency and Anger” (CR, April 1998), he talks about why and how we are free to choose anger or not. He told a true story about William Wilbanks from Reader’s Digest, Dec. 1988. I quote some of it below:
“In his sophomore year Wilbanks tried out for the high school basketball team and made it. On the first day of practice his coach had him play one-on-one while the team observed. When he missed an easy shot, he became angry and stomped and whined. The coach walked over to him and said, ‘You pull a stunt like that again and you’ll never play for my team.’ For the next three years, he never lost control again. Years later, as he reflected back on this incident, he realized that the coach had taught him a life-changing principle that day: anger can be controlled.” Wilbanks taught: ‘Agression, . .. suppressing the anger, talking about it, screaming and yelling, are all learned strategies in dealing with anger. We choose the one that has proven effective for us in the past. Ever notice how seldom we lose control when frustrated by our boss, but how often we do when annoyed by friends and family?
Below are some other great quotes from Lynn Robbins talk:
“The Family is also Satan’s primary target. He is waging war on the family. … He damages and destroys families within the walls of their own homes. His strategy is to stir up anger between family members. … A cunning part of Satan’s strategy is to dissociate anger from agency, making us believe that we are victims of an emotion that we cannot control. We hear, ‘I lost my temper’. … To lose something implies not meaning to, accidental, involuntary, not responsible. . . . ‘He made me mad’. This is another phrase we hear, also implying lack of control or agency. This is a myth that must be debunked. No one makes us mad. Others don’t make us angry. There is no force involved. Becoming angry is a conscious choice, a decision; therefore, we can make the choice not to become angry. We choose!”
Anger is yielding to Satan’s influence by surrendering our self-control. … Anger is an uncivil attempt to make another feel guilty or a cruel way of trying to correct them.”
We can choose not to become angry. And we can make that choice today, right now. ‘I will never become angry again.’
Lynn Robbins quoted from the Bible and David O. McKay as noted below:
“Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them”, and “fathers provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged”. (Bible: Col. 3:19, 21).
“Let husband and wife never speak in loud tones to each other, unless the house is on fire.” David O. McKay. (Stepping Stones to an Abundant Life, comp. Llewelyn R. McKay 1971, 294)
Important Questions to Ponder on:
Is anger truly a “choice” or do we have no control or power over that emotion or reaction? If anger is a “choice”, is it ever a wise choice? How much self-control and wisdom to control yourself; do you have, and desire to have in the future with God’s help?
In short, considering that relationships matter most for a joyful life and eternity; does anger ever help make any of our relationships better? – – or always worse? Certainly, choosing anger, may work to intimidate family members or others, to do things our way this time while we are present “out of fear and unfair manipulation”, but what affect does anger have on each of our relationships?
With eternal perspective and God’s help, can we choose to never get angry again as Lynn Robbins taught? Would that be a wise choice for you to make? Which relationships matter most for a joyful life and eternity? Aren’t the family relationships including our relationship with our Father in Heaven, the most important of all? If we can choose to not get angry at our boss, because we don’t want to lose our job; then surely we can choose to not get angry at home, because we don’t want to damage or lose our marriage or family relationships, right?
How does anger affect our relationship with God, and with ourself? Think of one or more people, you know who often choose anger? How does it affect their relationships, and the trust level in those relationships? Do they have a job, where they have a boss or manager over them? Do they ever explode in anger toward their boss at times? Obviously not, or they wouldn’t still have a job, right? And if they exploded in anger whenever their boss does or says something to annoy them, they would soon not be able to keep any job, right? So, they would lose their home, their car, etc. because they would have no income to make the payments, right? So, considering that they control their anger in their relationship with their boss; that is clear proof that they do have the ability to control their anger, if it is truly important enough to them, isn’t that right? What is the worse loss – – – losing one’s job or losing one’s family? – – – over choosing to explode in anger at your own family members?
If you were to keep eternal perspective in your thinking all of the time, and “pray always”, with God’s help, you could choose to never ever get angry again, couldn’t you?
After all, God did promise us in the Bible that He “will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able” to bear it with His help. (See 1 Corinthians 10:13). In other words, if you are prayerful and seeking God’s help in all you do, you will never be tempted above what you are able to bear or handle.
And if every member of your family, were to choose to give their very best prayerful daily prayerful effort to live by Relationship-Centered principles, and show love and kindness to each other daily; then it would get easier and easier before long, to never choose anger or mean-ness again, wouldn’t it? However, that wouldn’t be much of a test, if everyone was super nice and kind toward us every day on earth, and because God gives both good and grouchy/mean people the freedom to make their own choices during our earth-school and testing period; we will all be tested. But wouldn’t it be wonderful and almost heavenly, if all of your own family members in your sacred home, choose to give their best daily prayerful effort to live a Relationship-Centered life, and treat each other with kindness and respect and love in all of their interactions?
How do you feel deep inside of the inner spirit part of you, when someone chooses to explode in anger toward you? Has your spouse, child, sibling, friend, or acquaintance ever done anything that made you angry? Did you ever react with vocal and even loud anger back toward him or her? Aren’t your relationships with your spouse, child, sibling, friends, and others important enough to you to help you to wisely and prayerfully choose to never again lash out in anger toward another child of God? That does not mean that we don’t believe in “self-defense”, and in wisely not allowing abuse, but even self-defense does not need to be done in anger – – – but rather just with focused determination to do what is needed to stop the abuse, as the situation may require it.
If you live with an abusive spouse, whose anger is fueled even worse by alcohol or drug addictions; that they won’t stop using; then it may be wise to separate, and not deal with him or her again. But that does not mean that you choosing anger, would ever be a wise choice. How does it make you feel when a family member or anyone else lashes out in anger and unkind words toward you? Do you want to make your family members or others feel that way – – – by you ever lashing out in anger or unkind words toward them?
Is your relationship and love toward your spouse, child, sibling, and others, more important than whatever it is that they broke or did that tempted you to choose anger?
Have you ever made an innocent or even a not-so-innocent mistake? Everyone deserves a second chance. Didn’t Jesus teach us in the Bible to forgive 70 times 7 = 490 times. I have heard that in the language of the people in those Bible days, that 70 X 7 was a way of saying something like an unlimited high number of times. Either way, shouldn’t we at least forgive each other 70 X 7 times, as Jesus wisely taught us to do – – – – especially considering the true quote: “To choose to not forgive another, is like taking a little poison every day and hoping it will hurt or kill the other person.” However, wisely choosing to forgive another, does not mean that we should foolishly trust an abusive person. And it is wise to set solid and firm boundaries to protect yourself from abusive people – – – even if they happen to be family members.
When a family member makes an accidental mistake; isn’t that a wonderful opportunity to wisely choose to show unconditional love, patience, and kindness, to prove to them, that you truly do love them? Wouldn’t that be a wonderful feeling in your home and in your lives, if you all as a family choose to live by Relationship-Centered principles, as taught by Jesus Christ, and for sure within less than 30 days, each of you will feel far more real love and joy in your home and in your family relationships in every interaction every day?
You may be thinking; so Charles, I think that just maybe our family could make it 30 days without lashing out in anger and unkind words with each other – – – if we just stay real busy individually, and pretty much avoid each other for 30 days, and hardly interact with each other at all. Sorry, but when you read the chapter # 22 in this book about the 30 day experiment, you will see that a very important part of the experiment is sharing wholesome activities together as a family for at least a few minutes each day, such as playing super fun games like pickleball together, enjoying walks in nature together, singing along uplifting songs together with the sing-along app, and sharing and discussing power quotes and Bible quotes with each other, praying sincerely and openly together as a family, etc. – – – even if you are very, very busy.
Considering that all real joy in this life and beyond, is in relationships – – – and that no relationships are more important for a joyful life, than our family relationships, doesn’t it make sense that we should devote some daily time and effort on our family relationships? I promise you, that before the 30 days are up, that you will know that it is far more than worth it to choose to live a Relationship-Centered life. I can promise that with 100% certainty, because our loving Father in Heaven, and His Son, Jesus Christ, has promised it in the Bible. I have also done the 30 day and beyond experiment in my own life, to find out with 100% certainty that the joyful teachings of Jesus Christ, work amazingly far better than anything else to bring increased love, joy, and inner peace into our lives, and to improve the quality of our relationships.
Many families are far too busy with far less important “things” than building and enjoying family relationships, and they often don’t even interact much with each other – – – especially as the kids get in their teenage years. Playing at least an hour of pickleball, table-tennis, or Connect 4 type games as a family as often as you can fit it in; will give you an opportunity every couple of minutes to practice choosing kindness, respect, gentleness, encouragement, kind words, patience, etc. toward your family members, doubles partner, opponent, and toward yourself – – – so before long, you will get really good at it, and you will all thereby prove to each other that you really do love and care about each other – – – more than you care about winning a point or game; and you will all be far more joyful and successful in every area of your lives.
Power quote: “A family that plays together, stays together“ More accurate power quote: “A family that plays well and nicely, kindly, and respectfully together, stays together.” A family that chooses to be disrespectful, angry, and abusive toward each other when they try to play together or do most anything together, may not stay together – – or at least not happily together forever. On our retirement card, under our name, we have printed “Happily Together Forever”. My Amparito and I don’t just desire to be together forever, but we want to put in the daily kind and loving and prayerful and unselfish efforts to be “Happily Together Forever”. Our loving Father in Heaven gave us all the beautiful perfect recipe and clear guidance to live “Happily Together Forever”, if we simply choose to follow the Bible, which teaches us how Jesus Christ lived and taught us to live – – – in loving and serving God and our fellow men.
It works really well to brainstorm and role play as family members with each other ahead of time, regarding how you will react with your family members and others, when the point does not go your way – – – such as when you or your doubles partner misses a shot in pickleball or tennis, etc. and in other scenarios in your normal family life where you may at times feel tempted by the devil and his team to choose anger, or unkind words, or impatience, lack of love, etc. What are some things that you will choose to do, to make sure that you will never choose anger or unkindness or grouchiness, etc. during your very important 30 day experiment and beyond?
Power Quotes:
“Parents may tell, but never teach, unless they practice what they preach.” Unknown
“Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. And the next two great power quote directly from Jesus Christ, in the Bible: Matthew 5:43-44 “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you”. – – – in other words, be nice and kind toward everyone.
Power quote: “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” – -spoken by Jesus Christ, – – – as some of his last few words as he hung on the cross, after being mocked, spit upon, severely whipped, beaten, and nailed to a cross with big steel spikes. If all that couldn’t even make Jesus mad and angry, then nothing could, as He lived His perfect life as an example for us to try to follow a little better each day.
The Bible teaches us that Jesus lived a perfect life. Some say, that he was angry when he cast the moneychangers out of the temple, so it is O.K. to be out of control with anger when someone does something to make you mad. I see no evidence in the Bible that Jesus was at all out of control with anger when he chose to cast the moneychangers out of the temple. I believe he was very much “in control”, as he firmly drove them out, because He didn’t like the moneychangers, making the sacred temple into “a den of thieves” as He called it in the Bible scripture below, when the moneychangers were trying to make a huge profit there.
Matthew 21: 12 – 14: “And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves, And said unto them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves. And the blind and the lame came to him in the temple; and he healed them.”
Notice, in the last verse above, how Jesus healed the blind and lame in the temple, after He cast out the filthy moneychangers, who were seeking filthy lucre and defiling the sacred temple. No one does healing of people in anger, do they? Healing of people’s emotional, spiritual, or physical problems, is best and most appropriately done in a more sacred and quiet and peaceful place, like a sacred temple, or church or a sacred home where the love and peace of God is felt after the filthy moneychangers and troublemakers are cast out or firmly escorted out.
Didn’t Jesus teach us to “come and follow Him” and to love and serve others, as He did? Didn’t Jesus even teach us to “pray for our enemies, and “whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also”? Jesus also taught: “Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you” Matthew 5:43-44
I believe that one of the most useful and effective power quotes to help us to wisely never choose anger when you may be tempted to do so; is to repeat to yourself in your mind, or quietly the following power quote: “It’s only a test, it’s only a test” – – – as you gently remind yourself that each temptation or challenge is “only a test” as a part of earth-school experience. And that with God’s help, we can overcome any test or challenge as He promised us in the Bible in 1 Corinthians 10:13: “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” Another useful power quote is: “Whenever you are tempted to choose anger; you are free to choose anger or prayer – – – one damages relationships, and the other strengthens relationships.” Charles Hunt
True Story: I was listening to one of my insurance customers one day, as she told me about her relationship with her husband, and how he a couple of times held a loaded guy to her head, and threatened to kill her, if she ever left him. I encouraged her to find a way to get out of that relationship as soon as possible, while she was still alive, and to stay as far away from him as possible. I don’t know if she ever did choose to escape that abusive relationship. Isn’t it so very horrible and sad, when some abusive people try to control someone else by use of fear tactics and threats like that?